do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
