my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
