I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
