covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
