i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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