I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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