the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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