Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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