I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
