so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
