Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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