genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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