Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
