I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
