even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
