My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
