I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
