my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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