i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
