dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
