Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
