Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
