Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
