I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
