I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
