Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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