I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
