So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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