I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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