i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
