guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
