Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
