That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
