i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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