What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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