shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
