I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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