grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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