Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
