On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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