I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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