sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
