she smelled like a LAN party
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
