Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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