This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you inspire me to be a worse person
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
