I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
