i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
