We won't sleep together?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
