Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
