After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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