I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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