hotel room ftw
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
